the infinite beyond

Dear Self, 

I really need to get over you. When it comes to the risk of thinking less of you and the liberation of spending less time thinking about you, I tend to err in the direction of the former.

My default is to determine your value in comparison to others instead of having the courage to leap into the great unknown of who I am to become. 

It’s not that I don’t love you or maybe that is part of the problem. We so often confuse idolatory for love. The former is characterised by a loss of self to an unresponsive and unknowable other, the latter by sacrifice that begets joy and purpose. 

I have ripped you to shreds one moment, only to put you on a pedestal the next. This frantic seesaw stifles and exhausts. 

The truth is that freedom is waiting just beyond my obsession with you.  

It’s time for me to turn my eyes in a new direction: upward and outward. I am confident that we will both flourish in this posture and that our world will be more alive for it.  

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